TimeWarden’s Jukebox

The ladies of Lesbian Vampire Killers

2011-11-06T10:53:00.000Z

Lesbian Vampire Killers is a comedy horror starring James Corden and Mathew Horne, released theatrically a couple of years ago, which last weekend received its television premiere on BBC Three. It loosely reworks the Carmilla vampire story by J Sheridan Le Fanu that also inspired the Hammer trilogy which began with The Vampire Lovers, continued with Lust For A Vampire, and concluded with Twins Of Evil.

Lesbian Vampire Killers isn’t as good as any of the aforementioned forty-year-old Hammer films. The script is let down by copious amounts of gratuitous swearing while the leads lack charisma. They have little onscreen chemistry together, despite their television comedy partnership. If you haven’t seen Gavin And Stacey, you may recognise Corden from his recent appearances opposite Matt Smith in Doctor Who, over its last couple of seasons.

The most consummate acting in Lesbian Vampire Killers is from former Doctor Who Paul McGann. The Vicar is clearly a substitute Van Helsing. Paul plays it straight, the only way to succeed in a spoof. The lovely ladies are led by MyAnna Buring, also familiar to followers of Doctor Who as the doomed Scooti Manista in the David Tennant episode The Impossible Planet. She has previously received much acclaim for her co-starring role, trapped underground with a group of women, in Neil Marshall’s claustrophobic horror The Descent.

Femme fatale or ingénue?

2011-10-22T08:58:00.003+01:00

Clearly goading schoolteacher John Stape in his own classroom, Rosie Webster probably deserves everything she gets! John’s kidnapped the floozy once before and he’s about to do it again, this Wednesday to be precise! Can you blame him for being so enamoured, when such a voluptuous vixen shoves her feminine charms right in the poor fellow’s face, or should he lead by example and show a modicum of restraint?

All will be revealed in Coronation Street at 7.30pm on 26th October!

Breasts for breakfast!

2011-10-22T07:33:00.002+01:00

Helen Flanagan is leaving Coronation Street after playing Rosie Webster in the soap for twelve years. She is the second actress to take the part, joining the cast when she was only nine years old! It’s possibly not the best environment in which to grow up. Now 21, she will continue filming until December, and be seen on-screen until February, 2012.

Not long ago, Helen took three months off work after suffering panic attacks. She clearly catches everyone’s eye, with her ample assets, though, recently, has had her hair restyled, which she claims makes her feel more like a woman, less like a girl. Personally, I preferred her with long locks, but it will be interesting to see where her career takes her.

If Doctor Who ever needs, or wants, a companion in the mould of Nicola Bryant’s Peri then look no further, Miss Flanagan’s your lady bountiful!

Merlin - Excalibur (Preview)

2008-11-15T06:10:00.000Z

Saturday 15th November, 7.20pm, BBC One

Uther’s past comes back to haunt him when a mysterious Black Knight rides into Camelot. The visitor quickly makes his presence felt, throwing down his gauntlet and challenging the Knights of Camelot to mortal combat.

As the formidable fighter picks off his opponents one by one, it becomes clear he cannot be beaten; is it just his superior skill, or is there something more sinister behind his invincibility? With Arthur the next opponent set to face this deadly foe, will Uther overcome his pride and do the right thing, or is the truth too difficult to face?

Doctor Who - The Next Doctor (Preview)

2008-11-15T05:47:00.002Z

Merlin - Episode Four

2008-10-05T18:41:00.000+01:00

Tess of the d’Urbervilles - Episode Four Preview

2008-10-05T18:14:00.001+01:00

In the final episode, Tess is relentlessly pursued by Alec while Angel is away in Brazil.

Lily Talks!

2008-10-05T16:35:00.000+01:00

Behind-the-scenes footage and interview with Lily Cole at her first photo shoot as the face of Marks and Spencer’s Limited Collection.

Tess of the d’Urbervilles - Episode One Preview

2008-09-09T15:16:00.000+01:00

Sunday, 14 September - 9pm - BBC One

In the first episode, Tess meets the suave Alec d’Urberville and claims kinship...

The Sarah Jane Adventures - Series Two Trailer

2008-09-05T05:40:00.000+01:00

Tess of the d’Urbervilles - Trailer

2008-09-05T03:31:00.001+01:00

Vampire Circus - Trailer

2008-09-01T06:30:00.001+01:00

Merlin - Cinema Trailer

2008-09-01T06:03:00.001+01:00

Twins of Evil - Trailer

2008-08-04T03:51:00.001+01:00

As Seen On TV: Twins of Evil

2008-08-04T02:40:00.004+01:00

Spooks: Code 9 - Episode One Preview

2008-07-30T08:22:00.000+01:00

The year is 2013 and London has been evacuated following a nuclear bomb. The country’s powerbase has shifted north. MI5 needs young officers and fast. Luckily, Britain’s youth is more than up to the challenge…

Duffy at Glastonbury 2008

2008-07-04T07:24:00.000+01:00

Goldfrapp - Utopia (Live)

2008-07-01T14:56:00.000+01:00

It’s a strange day
No colours or shapes
No sound in my head
I forget who I am
When I’m with you
There’s no reason
There’s no sense
I’m not supposed
To feel
I forget who I am
I forget
Fascist baby
Utopia, utopia

My dog needs new ears
Make his eyes
See forever
Make him live
Like me
Again and again

Fascist baby
Utopia, utopia

I’m wired to the world
That’s how I know everything
I’m superbrain
That’s how they made me

Fascist baby
Utopia, utopia

t.A.T.u. - 220

2008-06-20T05:39:00.001+01:00

As Seen On TV: Claire Bennet (Cheerleader)

2008-06-11T05:53:00.000+01:00

As Seen On TV: Abby Maitland (Primeval Weekend)

2008-06-06T03:59:00.001+01:00

Doctor Who - Forest of the Dead

2008-06-06T03:28:00.003+01:00

As Seen On TV: Miss Evangelista!

2008-06-01T02:53:00.000+01:00

Doctor Who - Silence in the Library

2008-05-29T07:39:00.000+01:00

Doctor Who - Silence in the Library …and beyond…

2008-05-25T00:23:00.001+01:00

As Seen On TV: St. Trinian’s

2008-05-19T22:25:00.000+01:00

Doomsday

2008-05-11T22:08:00.000+01:00

As Seen On TV: The Doctor’s Daughter

2008-05-11T07:37:00.000+01:00

Doctor Who - The Doctor’s Daughter

2008-05-08T18:43:00.000+01:00

Goldfrapp - Happiness

2008-04-09T01:11:00.001+01:00

David Bowie - All the Young Dudes & Life on Mars?

2008-04-05T01:46:00.001+01:00

Kate Nash - Foundations

2008-04-03T17:19:00.001+01:00

David Bowie - 5:15 The Angels Have Gone

2008-04-03T16:56:00.000+01:00

Kylie Minogue - Wow

2008-04-03T16:40:00.000+01:00

David Bowie - Thursday’s Child

2008-03-11T15:08:00.001Z

Alphabeat - Fascination

2008-02-26T05:53:00.003Z

Alphabeat - Fascination (Live at the Borderline)

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Irritating as hell or catchy as a rash after a bad day in, what do you think? This band was offered the opportunity to support the Spice Girls, on their recent reunion tour, but declined - so they can’t be all bad! From the region that gave the world Abba and A-ha, Jukebox showcases Alphabeat’s second UK single “Fascination”… “The word is on your lips”!!

Goldfrapp - A&E

2008-02-18T01:37:00.002Z

Natalie Imbruglia - Shiver & Counting Down the Days

2008-02-16T01:05:00.000Z

Alice Deejay - Better Off Alone

2008-02-14T01:27:00.002Z

David Bowie - Ashes to Ashes

2008-02-14T01:22:00.002Z

The Beatles - I am the Walrus

2008-01-28T03:58:00.000Z

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I’m crying.

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen,
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob

Mister city policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky, see how they run.
I’m crying.
I’m crying, I’m crying.
I’m crying.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen,
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don’t come, you get a tan
From standing in the English rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen,
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob, g’goo goo g’joob.

Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don’t you think the joker laughs at you?
(ho ho ho, he he he, ha ha ha)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snide.
I’m crying.

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen,
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob, g’goo goo g’joob,
Goo goo g’joob, g’goo goo g’joob, g’goo.

(repeatedly chanted)
‘Oompa, oompa, stick it up your joompa’

t.A.T.u. - White Robe

2008-01-17T19:35:00.001Z

Björk - Declare Independence

2008-01-17T19:27:00.000Z

Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue - Where the Wild Roses Grow

2007-11-18T03:31:00.000Z

The Cranberries - Dreams (Live)

2007-11-17T05:24:00.000Z

Hallowe’en Special

2007-10-31T17:38:00.000Z

The night of 31 October, the eve of All Saints’ Day, originally celebrated by Celtic peoples but now popular in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom. Traditionally, children dress up as witches or ghosts and go from door to door asking for sweets and threatening to play tricks if refused. Happy Hallowe’en, if that isn’t a contradiction in terms!

Rihanna - Umbrella (Live)

2007-10-18T19:42:00.000+01:00

Britney Spears - Gimme More

2007-10-10T21:06:00.000+01:00

Kylie Minogue - 2 Hearts

2007-10-10T20:50:00.000+01:00

Jennifer Ellison - Baby I Don’t Care

2007-10-10T20:32:00.000+01:00

Ian Hunter & Friends - All the Young Dudes

2007-10-10T20:14:00.000+01:00

Paul McCartney & Friends - Something

2007-10-10T19:50:00.000+01:00

Electric Light Orchestra - Mr Blue Sky

2007-10-10T19:38:00.000+01:00

Katie Melua - The Closest Thing to Crazy

2007-10-10T19:26:00.000+01:00

Indians in Moscow - Naughty Miranda

2007-10-10T19:17:00.000+01:00

Rihanna - Shut Up and Drive

2007-10-10T19:11:00.000+01:00

Rihanna Special

2007-10-08T13:53:00.000+01:00

This post includes all four videos of the four singles from Rihanna’s latest album “Good Girl Gone Bad”. They are the ultra-successful “Umbrella” featuring Jay-Z, which opens the album; “Shut Up and Drive”, the fifth track on the CD; the funkier “Don’t Stop the Music”, which is the disc’s third song; and, finally, sixth track “Hate That I Love You”, a duet with Ne-Yo, is a ballad accompanied by a clever little clip with a twist in the tale. This type of R‘n’B isn’t usually my thing but, on this occasion, Rihanna’s third album seems to be infused with a rock sensibility which makes it more agreeable to my ear!

t.A.T.u. - All About Us

2007-08-22T20:15:00.001+01:00

Jona Lewie - You’ll Always Find Me in the Kitchen at Parties

2007-08-22T19:56:00.000+01:00

Roxy Music - Editions of You

2007-08-22T19:19:00.000+01:00

Björk - Earth Intruders

2007-08-22T19:14:00.000+01:00

10cc - Dreadlock Holiday

2007-08-22T19:07:00.000+01:00

Supertramp - Dreamer

2007-08-22T19:00:00.000+01:00

The Sensational Alex Harvey Band - Delilah

2007-08-22T18:54:00.000+01:00

David Bowie - China Girl

2007-08-22T18:47:00.001+01:00

Ash - Burn Baby Burn

2007-08-22T18:42:00.000+01:00

Ian Hunter - Once Bitten Twice Shy

2007-08-22T18:31:00.000+01:00

Bare Bundy

2007-05-04T05:52:00.000+01:00

Ellison... and on... and on...

2007-04-28T05:38:00.000+01:00

Nice to See-through!

2007-03-23T08:26:00.000Z

Out of Range?

2007-03-16T07:22:00.000Z

You’re a Vision!

2007-03-13T06:44:00.000Z

Pumping Her Humps!

2007-03-13T06:24:00.000Z

Don’t Phunk With My Bumps!

2007-03-09T16:32:00.000Z

Lovely Lady Lumps!

2007-03-09T16:14:00.000Z

LA Law

2007-02-26T08:06:00.000Z

Seeing Red

2007-02-23T12:20:00.000Z

Rogues' Gallery!

2007-02-22T05:16:00.000Z

Birthday Girl

2007-02-22T04:52:00.000Z

SchoolGirls Aloud Vs The Sugababes

2007-02-18T05:15:00.000Z

Green Day

2007-02-18T04:55:00.000Z

No Thermals Required

2007-02-18T04:45:00.000Z

Top Klass

2007-02-16T04:01:00.000Z

First Klass

2007-02-16T03:48:00.000Z

Jenny from the Brook

2007-02-14T22:13:00.000Z

Jennifer Juniper

2007-02-14T22:02:00.000Z

What's the Verdict?

2007-02-14T21:51:00.000Z

From S Club to Pop Chick!

2007-02-14T05:16:00.000Z

Because She Wants To

2007-02-14T05:00:00.000Z

Back to the Farm

2007-02-13T05:05:00.000Z

From S Club to Glamour Puss

2007-02-13T04:51:00.000Z

Sweet Dreams My S Club Ex

2007-02-13T02:44:00.000Z

Spearritt's Way

2007-02-12T04:49:00.000Z

Promoting Primeval

2007-02-11T02:20:00.000Z